Reminiscing

I was browsing through some of the old photos I have (those that were taken around 2 years ago), and I noticed that I looked different. 
I look a lot better now. Hehe..
except of pimples..<hahaha>

Kidding aside, I actually look better now. Browsing through the pictures was like seeing the evolution of a being - which, in this case is, me. 

I gained a few pounds, so now I don't look like a walking skeleton.

I dress better, and I don't look like someone who has no sense of fashion whatsoever.

I pose better. I don't look *that* stupid in front of the camera (I actually learned how to smile - thanks to Steph for this one).

I have a better aura - not the usual haggard, exhausted, I feel like dying thing.

Good thing the pictures are there to prove it. Hehe...

Ang hirap...

Ang hirap magkimkim ng isang bagay na gusto mong ikuwento sa iba. Hanggang pa-gilid-gilid nalang ang banggit mo, mga daplis sa hangin. Paano ba naman kasi, ang bagay na gusto mong ikuwento sa kanila eh ibang-iba sa pagkakakilala nila sa iyo... Ang hirap kapag nabuhay ka sa kasinungalingan. Pero ano bang magagawa mo? Hindi naman nanaisin ng karamihan na malaman kung anong tunay na ikaw. Mas mabuti pang magpanggap o magsinungaling para naman hindi sila madisappoint. Pero sino ba ang talo sa huli? Sila ba? Hindi, ikaw. Hindi ko alam, pero pakiramdam ko kahit papaano eh nababatid nila kung ano ba ang katotohanan. Hindi naman ako ganun kagaling magsinungaling, at palagay ko naman hindi din sila ganung katanga para habangbuhay malinlang. Pero kahit alam nila, hindi nila pinapansin. Sa palagay ko lang naman. Masyado kasing taliwas sa pagkakakilala nila sa akin kumbaga. Pero kahit ganun, paminsan-minsan pa rin eh sumasagi sa isip nila, hindi lang nila binabanggit... Minsan napapagod din ako sa pagpapanggap. Dahil nga dun, hindi ko na sigurado kung sino ba talaga ang tunay na ako. Kaya minsan, gusto kong ipagsigawan na huwad ang pagkakakilala nila sa akin. Pero bago ko magawa, pinangungunahan ako ng takot. Takot na kapag nagising sila sa kasinungalingang binuo ko ay pandirihan nila ako na para isang taong may nakakahawang sakit. Hindi ko naman sila nilalahat. Alam ko na may mangilan-ngilan na kahit papaano ay maiintindihan ako. Mabuti sana kung lahat sila ganun, kaso hindi. Sa mundong ginagalawan ko, malaki pa rin ang discriminasyon sa mga "hindi normal" nilang maituturing. Nakakalungkot mang isipin, ngunit yun ang masakit na katotohanan. Kaya masisi niyo ba ako kung kayo mismo ang nagtulak sa akin? Sana ganun nalang kadali sabihin ang mga bagay-bagay, sana wala silang pakeelam kung ano nga ba ang alin. Kaso, hindi eh. Mahirap man, pero un ang totoo. Kaya ikaw, kahit na may mga bagay kang gustong-gusto, napipilitan kang iwanan, kasi para sa iba "hindi tama".

Lihim

Matagal na tayong magkakilala, 
Ilang taon na nga ba, hindi ko na bilang. 
Kahit noon pa man, alam ko na, 
Matagal na kitang minamahal. 
Ngunit bakit pa ipagtatapat sa iyo, 
Kung masaya ka naman sa kanya? 
Bakit ipagpipilitan ang sarili, 
Kung ang turing mo'y hanggang kaibigan lang?
Mas nanaisin pang mahalin ka ng lihim,
Kaysa tuluyan kang mawala.
Mas nanaisin na kimkimin ang damdamin
Kung yun lang ang paraan upang ika'y manatili.

Questions....

Can it be good that you are bad or bad that you are good?

Can you belong and not belong at the same time?

How can you trust someone you don't trust?

How can you be unluckily lucky?

How can you not change?

Can you really know someone too well?

Is it cheating if you cheated but did not mean to cheat?

Do you still know someone if you know him/her but realizes that you do not really know him/her?

What is the use of wearing a mask if they still see you through it?

Why are we here?

Why are there so many questions that remain to be unanswered?

ano kaya ang feeling na magtrabaho?

ano nga kaya ng feeling na magta-trabaho na?  well, sa totoo lang, hindi ko pa 'yon malalaman kasi sa susunod na limang buwan eh magte-training pa ako bago ako isabak sa totoong trabaho...

pero pagkatapos 'nun, ano na nga kaya?  katulad pa rin kaya ng dati na halos hindi na ako kumakain o kaya eh natutulog hanggat hindi ko pa natatapos ang isang project o kaya naman eh hindi ko pa nafu-fulfill ang gusto kong mafulfill for that time being?  o baka naman hindi na ako sa bahay magta-trabaho (as in gagawa ng project) ngayon, sa ofis na.  ano bang malay ko kung hindi na pwedeng iuwi ang project (na parang assignment...).  pero sa totoo lang, mas komportable akong gumawa sa loob ng bahay... pwede kayang may exception sa kaso ko?

hay... nakakapagod mag-isip.  teka... may sense ba naman yung sinabi ko?  kayo nalang ang mag-figure-out.  sabi ko naman sa inyo eh, brain-dead ako ngayon...

hay maitulog na nga ito... baka naman dahil lang ito sa antok... uungol na kasi yung aso ngayon eh, kaylangan ko nang lumipad... hihihih....

Questions....

Can it be good that you are bad or bad that you are good?

Can you belong and not belong at the same time?

How can you trust someone you don't trust?

How can you be unluckily lucky?

How can you not change?

Can you really know someone too well?

Is it cheating if you cheated but did not mean to cheat?

Do you still know someone if you know him/her but realizes that you do not really know him/her?

What is the use of wearing a mask if they still see you through it?

Why are we here?

Why are there so many questions that remain to be unanswered?

Just when you thought...

Just when you think that things won't go worse, it does. Funny how things turn out the way you don't want them to be. You're wearing your favorite white shirt, and then suddenly while you're walking on the street, it starts to rain. You run for the nearest shelter, but then you realize that there are nothing near to act as protection against the rain. You try to run as if you are evading all the tiny drops that come falling from the sky, but to no avail. And just to make matters worse, you also have to evade all the mud that splashes whenever a rushing car passes by. You think that things couldn't get worse than this, and to your surprise, it does. You left your key inside your locker at school, and you have to run back to get it. After painstakingly getting your key, you go inside your room, open your bag, and suddenly realize that you just bought an umbrella this morning...

Ang hirap magsulat...

I cannot really say that I'm a very good writer, if you perceive a good writer as someone na iisang line of thought lang ang ginagamit sa isang piece. Unfortunately for me, I'm not like that. Sabog akong mag-isip, mas lalo na kapag nagsusulat ako. Sabihin nalang natin na sawa na rin ako sa mga piyesang nililikha ko na may introduction, body, at conclusion na parang inulit at kinompress na introduction at body. Parang yung style of writing ko noong highschool. Nakakatawa, pero I got good grades then. Wonder what I'll get now...

When I write anything, feeling ko ang pangit ng delivery ko. I dunno, siguro gusto ko lang kasi siguro yun tipong dramatic ang pagkakadeliver. Eh sa kasamaang palad, puro external lang ang kaartehan ko. Wala sa loob. Kaya nga hindi ako nagdedesign ng mga sites namin eh, more on background ako noon. May pagka-minimalist kasi ako. Yun tipong pagkakasyahin ang napakaraming information sa napakaliit na space. Nakasanayan nalang siguro. Naalala ko tuloy nung college, isang buong bahay ang tinitirhan ko pero yung kitchen (na may mga kitchen stuffs) at yung room ko lang ang jampacked. Para kasi sa akin, mas madaling maabot kapag malapit lang, kaya talagang nasisiksik. Kapag medyo malaki ang space at konti lang ang gamit, hindi ako mapakali. Parang hindi ako makahinga. Nakakatuwa sigurong isipin, pero yun ang totoo.

Pero for some odd reason, maganda pa rin ang grades na nakukuha ko sa mga papers ko. Hindi ko nga alam kung hindi lang ako naniniwala sa kakayahan kong magsulat o sadyang kilala ako ng mga teachers na parang tiwalang-tiwala na sila sa writing ko. Siguro nga apektado din ng fact na co-teacher nila ang nanay ko, pero there are times din that I chance upon some old writings of mine, and nasusurprise ako na parang ok ang pagkakasulat.

Siguro nga I'm just not really used to write. I tend to keep things to myself kasi, not only because may pagka-loner ako by nature, but also ayoko din na i-divuldge ung sarili ko sa lahat. Kumbaga sa iilan lang. Pero now I have to change that. No use "reserving" myself to special persons. Mahirap naman kasing maghanap ng mga "special persons" lalo na if you do not open yourself. Tulad nga nung isang "kasabihan" na narinig ko nung college, "In being open, you become close."

SUMMER BREAK @Hinagdaanan Cave,Bohol City

This the time that we enjoy sooo much of travelling around Tagbilaran, Bohol City...

Me and my friends together explores the beautiful and peaceful places of Bohol..

It was not planned that we go here, it just happened that the pedicab driver we had ride tell us that one of the tourist attraction of Bohol was this cave called Hinagdaanan Cave...

It was so awesome place that we explored, a beautiful cave that has a wonderful lake inside of it...

This is the one place was so memorable of me and w/ my friends...

Pizza Ever

Im craving for pizza...

a treat of ate jill (couzin of vann2x)

yummy ever...

DINNER BONDING

A night that we shared everything that comes to an idea to eat outside...

Me and Vann bonding moment @tinuhug bbq...

chipin-chipinay lang ang peg ani na gabie...

ershit man gud ni si Vann2x ba..nag tabi ra gali mi na lami mo kaon sa bbq din naninood na daun sia...

paita baby...

but the result is busog much and laughters....

losing you

if time would go back I would find you a person of no consequence.

in my life you were the only person who can tell me, “i know you.” it did not happen in a blink of an eye. we worked on it, little by little, like pasting plaster to a beloved statue, we’ve come to cherish our shared galatea. i treated you with more warmth, love and respect than any other person in this world.

did that frighten you?

well, it frightened me.

so i started hitting you with pretentious anger, pummeling fists of hatred that were intended to be more violent than they have ever been. so there were those terrible battles of two entwined souls confused and threatened by the onslaught of fabricated calamities sure to extinguish the flickering light of intimacy. “i’m scared, let’s stop this,” – i thought. “fuck, I don’t give a damn,”- i mouthed. 

why did you not hear my unspoken plea for a truce? why did you not listen to the resonance of my bruised spirit unable to halt what it regretfully started? 

i lost.

did you know that?

will you ever know?

in the final exodus of understanding coaxed by fear, pride and distorted sense of self-preservation, i lost you.

and in losing the being enmeshed to my soul i lost a part of myself bigger than is worldly possible. you cannot tell me, “i know you,“ now. for i am just an insult to the person you helped into being.

damn.

if time will go back i will find you a person of no consequence.

Di na natuto

Umasa akong sa damdamin ko para sau, dahil panay ang ngiti mo sakin.

Akala ko may connection na between us since nagkatitigan tayo ng 5 seconds and twice na nangyari yun.

Napansin ko rin na lagi kang may compliment about me to the point na di ko na maiwasang di ma-fall sayo.

Im always inspired while seeing you.

Wala naman akong gana pag wala ka.

Aminado ako na sa kakaisip ko sayo, naging stalker ako.

Hinanap kita sa fb....

I saw you with a girl and mukhang mahal na mahal nyo ang isa't isa.

Ang bigat lang.

I dunno what to do next.

Im so bad at pretending im happy.

Maybe iiwas nalang ako. Hayyysss..

BRAIN TWISTER

 Brain Twister:

I bought this puzzle toy from National Bookstore in Davao CiTy (last year pa ito na bili ko…). The toy consists of 4 puzzle pieces that you have to assemble to form shapes indicated in a design card. I guess I have just illustrated here how my weekends can be so boring and anti-social. LOL!

and because of my boredom moment i engage my self in many things like watching t.v., reading pocketbooks and txting but their one who caught my interest it is to playing this Brain Twister a kind of puzzle that will surely u can enjoy of playing this.that makes ur head to scratch because of the pressure of playing this .

FOREVER FRIENDS

Sometimes in life you find a special friends. Someone who changes your life just being a part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you cant stop it. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who convinces you that there really is a unlocked door just waiting for you to open it. This is FOREVER FRIENDS, when you`re down and the world seems dark and empty your FOREVER FRIEND lift you up. That in spirit and makes that dark and empty world suddenly seem bright and full. Your FOREVER FRIEND gets you through the hard times, the sad and confused times. If you turn and walk away you FOREVER FRIENDS follow you. If you lose you`re way your FOREVER FRIENDS holds you tight and tells you that everything is going to be okay. And if you find such a friend you feel happy and complete because you don't need to be worry there are always besides you...
That`s my FOREVER FRIENDS...
Thanks for all the times you`ll been there for me...

LOVELOTZ ALWAYS....

The Year Ended for 2012

 It was a year that passed bye when we are gonna say to the 2012 a Goodbye.
All happened in last year was so awful that i meet a wonderful, loving and supporting friends.
I`v so blessed that i have them...
they to crazy but the fact is that they makes me smile when im bored or sad.
Lot of memorized that ive never been forget about of this bonding moments that we shared together, the happenings that we makes.